I know at times I appear to despise my life in Northern Virginia. And other times I act fully engrossed and happy with it. Rather, its generally neither, not at least fully. I am happy often. I hate it often. Sometimes I am content and sometimes I am not. My melody is one of contradiction.
Recently, I realized, I don’t think its so much a hate or an enjoyment of my life here which is worth considering. Those are just the emotions I feel at the moment depending on how my life is pushing or pulling or just sitting here. I think in reality the deeper force is not so much what I feel but how balanced I am. There’s the rub.
I am a firm believer in balance. Yoga lovers, PHD holders, Pastor Mike and Jimmy down at the bar, would probably all describe ‘balance’ differently. Even so, I think most of us feel or at least get out of control when we are unbalanced. And I venture to say, most of us are unbalanced, extremely so in many a case. I generally consider ‘balance’ not doing too much of one thing and too little of another. I think one should exercise their brain (not sitting watching TV all day). I think people should know what they feel, especially as it almost always effects their actions. I believe its good to eat healthy food, sleep enough, feel well and take walks and such (although being physically fit is often lowest on my priorities because I take my health for granted). I think its important to have relationships, and healthy to have alone time (Yes, even though I am an extrovert I still value alone time). And most importantly, I know the spiritual side of me needs that void constantly filled by a relationship with God, which helps everything else fall into line.
I, I am not balanced. There are many ways in which I see I am unbalanced in my life, and maybe I’ll go into those another time. But yes, I think this explains a lot about my rantings and ravings. I am unbalanced. And as such, I am often discontent.